out of loss comes growth

The loss of our child on September 11 (what's with that day?!?!) was extremely painful in every sense of the word. This tragedy presented us a wonderful opportunity to start anew - reflect on our decisions, our wants, our dreams and set into motion the plans yet-to-be made.

That being said we now realize that Flagstaff is not our home, not now, there is sadness here and lack of opportunity for where we are in our professional journeys. As a result we've decided to reclaim our lives and move to Phoenix (west valley). It is here that I hope we can find healing and opportunities to grow...in every sense of the word.

Sadly, one of my biggest supporters - my mother, disapproves and vocally rejects this decision. Her anger, for not choosing a path she has designed for me and caused her share very painful and intentionally hurtful things over the past few days. So, sadly I must mourn a death once more this year - this time it is the death of my relationship with my Mother. My hope is that with time and distance she can come to a place of acceptance and support for me. She is just unable to do so at this time.

I will be very glad when 2008 draws to a close and I can put to rest a year filled with death, poverty, disappointment, and sadness and look to the bright future I hope 2009 holds filled with endless possibilities.

So if you're ever in I-10 heading west through PHX...give us a call!
Wishing all who read this love, health, and happiness - may they have no limit in your lives.

Until next time, the not-quite-yet mother

Another Baby?!?!?!

I'm very excited to share that our dear friend from college, Jessie, is expecting her 2nd (the family's 4th) child next May!

She and her husband are very excited. Big brother and sister are hoping for a girl this time to go with their baby brother who arrived last June. Mom and Dad are just ecstatic to be welcoming a new family member home.

Congratulations to them and best wishes for a healthy and smooth pregnancy!

BIRTHA, defender of laboring women everywhere!

I find that I'm draw to, almost compelled to watch "the baby shows." You know, the ones most people flip past as soon as they wheel mom into the delivery room and there are sweat beads visible at 50 paces and worried dads hovering just above the "privacy drape" behind which the magical wizard, aka OB, is performing the final steps in the miracle of birth. I was like you...I only wanted to the back story and maybe baby 4-6 wks post-bloody birth. Now? Now, I find myself seeking out these shows - A Baby Story, Brining Home Baby, Special Delivery...I can't get enough.

I always cry when baby finally appears in the world, and I'm slowly desensitizing myself to the visibly excruciating pain of child birth. I'm still on board with a natural birth, hoping to start my prenatal yoga class soon to give me the strength and flexibility I anticipate needing when I push my watermelon baby through my orange-sized vagina.

Western birth still boggles my mind...as these poor moms are flat on their backs legs spread-eagle in the air and a masochistic Dr. yelling "good, good, just one more push"...one more push from an ridiculously exhausted woman whose been mentally and physically preparing for this day for 9 months and physically been laboring for the past 6-36 hours... now against all odds, and more notably against gravity, in a position that physically makes your pelvis smaller....lets take a nice deep breath and push that miracle of life out. And you wonder why so many women experience some form of post-traumatic stress following a hospital birth?!?!

Of course my MY birth will be different...I secretly hope that my inner super heroine emerges during labor...BIRTHA, defender of laboring women everywhere!

"What are you putting in that I.V.? - we don't need it yet...so back off!"

"Lie down? Are you mad? This mother needs to walk and bounce and swivel her hips to help baby move down the birth canal."

"Epi-what...she doesn't want it and doesn't need it...let her body do it's job of face the wrath of BIRTHA!"

That would be awesome...I think Doulas and Dads should wear super hero capes...because that's their job in the delivery room, right? To protect and defend mom so she can have the best birthing experience possible?

Just the musing of an expectant mom.