Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Mirror, mirror

I created this collage at the start of the new year - it's a visual representation of what I want to work towards this year. The thought was I'd make it my desktop image and through the power of positive thought and visualization all would come to fruition.

I now believe that's a bunch of crap - do I still want all these things? You I think God, Allah, FSM, or a magic gnome is going to provide cuz I think about these things ALL the friggin time? NO.

My life is not the one I'd thought I'd have - plans have changed course, fate has stepped in and I am at a cross roads. I can accept my reality and beat the screaming dragon within to docile submission, or do something about it and regain my power to move forward, make the life I want and to hell with this annoying fate s**t!

I choose the latter.

I have been trying to accept and move past the loss our pregnancy. I can't. I have been trying to accept and move past the decisions we made last summer. Havin' a hard time with that one too.
So...I am hoping to reinvent myself. Spend a little time with my inner demons and angels and find out some answers about me.

I have no concept of a destination only a rough idea of a path. I'll try to keep y'all posted along the way. Just know this, the person I am today is not the person I was a year ago, and only vaguely resembles the person I hope to become in the future.

Wishing everyone true happiness ~ I'll be in touch.


Chris said...

Hey, congratulations on how far you've come in your struggles. I once read that "the Journey is the destination". Probably some catchy yoga gear slogan, but catchy none the less.
I wish you the best and offer my support anytime you need.

Tracey Embrace the Change Hayes said...

Thanks friend. Emery's happy, healthy pregnancy and your friendship has actually been a huge support to me. So thank you for your friendship. You two are truly amazing people I am so happy to call you friends.

emery_rose said...

I hope things are changing for the better for you, whatever changes you're making. I can't imagine trying to get over what you've been through (and honestly don't imagine that anyone ever could), and if there's any support I can offer, please let me know. I'm looking forward to seeing you sometime soon.

Amy said...

I am thinking of you lately from up here in Alaska. I feel like life has handed me some similar lessons to tours since 2009. I wonder how you are faring, how you are beating back fate (or the idea of it), and hoping you have found some joy.